British man, 20, will be the first to give BIRTH thanks to sperm donor he found on FacebookPosted By: UDAHOGORA Vanessa Peace - On:10/01/2017
Hayden, who lives in Gloucester and is four months pregnant, said: “I want the baby to have the best. “I’ll be the greatest dad.”
Dad-to-be Hayden found a sperm donor on Facebook to make himself pregnant after putting his gender change on hold. Hayden, born a girl 20 years ago, had lived as a man for three years and was taking male hormones — but was desperate to have a baby.
The unemployed former Asda worker asked the NHS to freeze his eggs before he completed his full transition, in the hope he might have children years later. But when they refused to carry out the £4,000 process, he feared he would never become a biological parent to his own child.
So Hayden decided to use an anonymous sperm donor he found on Facebook and go ahead with the pregnancy immediately — using his local hospital’s NHS maternity services. Now 16 weeks pregnant, he plans to have the baby before returning straight away to complete the transition process, which will remove his breasts and ovaries.
Frank confession . . . Dad-to-be says ‘I want kid now, then it’s back to transition’
Hayden told The Sun on Sunday: “I faced the prospect of not becoming the man I am supposed to be, physically, or a dad. “So I didn’t feel like I had any choice but to have a baby now then get back to transitioning.
“In September I got pregnant by a sperm donation.
“I found the donor on the internet.
“I looked on Facebook for a group and found one — it’s been shut down now.
“I didn’t have to pay.
“The man came to my house, he passed me the sperm in a pot and I did it via a syringe.
“I felt I’d no choice, I couldn’t afford a proper clinic.
“I don’t know who the bloke was.
“To be honest I can’t remember anything about him.
“He wouldn’t even tell me his name.
“He didn’t want any contact.
“He said he was just doing it to help people.
“It was the first attempt and it worked.
“I was really lucky.”
Yet Hayden admits he now feels uncomfortable carrying a child and struggles with the physical changes. He went on: “I found I was pregnant two weeks after the sperm was inserted.
“It was mixed emotions.
“I was happy but I also knew it would be backtracking on my transition.
“It’s like I have given myself one thing, but taken away something else from myself in the meantime.
“It is a very female thing to carry a baby and it goes against everything I feel in my body.
“I was finally starting to become myself and become a man physically — but now my body is going in the opposite direction.
“It makes me angry that I’ve been put through this.
“Carrying a baby is meant to be a happy time, but in my body it feels wrong.
“I just couldn’t face being years down the line and still waiting to transition so that I can have a kid.
“I wanted the kid now so that I can have the transition before I get old.
“I want to enjoy being the way I was meant to be.
“If I’d waited until I was 25 to have a kid then had the whole transition process ahead of me, it would be years.
“Doing it now means it’ll be 18 months out of my life then I can go straight back to my transition.”
Hayden, of Gloucester, was on the NHS gender transition process, which costs an average of £29,000. His physical switch — using male hormones which have set in motion irreversible changes — was already under way and he was receiving gender-change counselling at a local clinic run by the 2gether NHS Foundation Trust.
Hayden used an anonymous sperm donor he found on Facebook
He blames the NHS’s refusal to freeze his eggs for the fact he will now have to raise his child alone. Hayden, whose maternity card reads Mr Hayden Cross, added: “If they hadn’t refused, I wouldn’t have had kids till I was at least 25.
“I wanted to explore first.
“I could have been in a steady relationship by then and been able to offer a child two parents to raise it.
“Now I will be a single dad who is trans.
“I’ll be having surgery, so it’s going to be far more difficult.
“If I was with a man we could have used a surrogate — and if I was with a woman then she could carry the baby with my egg.
“People think you can’t be a man and have a baby but it’s not that simple.
“This is my only chance.”
The total cost of gender reassignment is £29,000 per patient, including support and surgery. The total bill to the NHS in England in 2014 was £17.13million and in 2015 the budget was increased to £22.72million. NHS England says approximately 3,000 transgender patients per year are at some stage of their treatment. Two thirds are men becoming women, costing £17million a year.
About 330 surgical procedures were carried out in 2014-15 at four specialist private clinics in London and Brighton. The added cost of freezing eggs is around £4,000 per cycle — and Hayden claims that in his case the NHS refused to foot the bill.
He said: “The doctor said I had to write a letter to a panel about why I wanted my eggs frozen.
“The first was rejected, so I tried again, but that was turned down too.
“I was devastated.
“It was like they were saying I shouldn’t procreate because I am trans — it’s not right.
“I felt that I had to get pregnant and there wasn’t really an option.
“It was either do it, or face the fact I would never be a biological father.
“Having a biological child has always meant a lot to me.
“I’ve always wanted kids.
“I don’t know why, but it’s the one thing I’ve always wanted.”
After the NHS rejection letters Hayden considered freezing his eggs at a private clinic but couldn’t afford the £1,000 consultation fee and average £5,000 cost to freeze eggs per cycle. In desperation he turned to his Facebook donor and now already has a small pregnancy bump. But he also has facial hair and a deeper voice due to his hormone treatment, which has since been put on hold to protect the baby.
He admitted: “I am worried about how I will look and what people will think and say about me.
“I think some will judge me because I came out as trans and now I am pregnant.
“But I’m glad I’m doing it as I hope inspires other people to be happy in themselves.
“And I hope it gets the NHS to realise I was left with no other choice but this.”
Hayden, who had school crushes on both boys and girls and whose parents split when he was 14, was initially “confused” by his feelings, but now calls himself bisexual. He finally realised he wanted to be a man after meeting transgender Shane Hope, 26 — his best friend and birthing partner.
Hayden said: “It literally hit me like a wake-up call.
“I thought, ‘That is why I feel the way I do’.
“When he explained what he’d been through I said, ‘That’s me too’.
“I woke up one morning in 2013, spoke to Shane and said, ‘I know I am trans, I want to change my name’.
He ordered me a deed poll and I changed everything.
“I always had short hair and wore male clothes, so there wasn’t much to change apart from my name and how I was addressed.”
Hayden intends to tell his child of his transition in later years.
He said: “I think I would tell it because it has the right to know.
“I’ll bring up the child in a trans environment so hopefully there won’t be any problem.
“Trans is a common thing now for our generation.”
The Manchester United fan, who was born a girl, said: “I want the baby to have the best of everything.
“I will be the greatest dad.
“I don’t mind what I have as long as the baby is healthy, but it would be better if it is a boy.
“Then I can play football with him and go to the rugby and all that stuff.
“I can do that with a girl as well, but if it is a boy then I will find it easier to dress him.
“A girl might be difficult.
“It is awkward for a dad to have to explain periods and other women’s things like that.”
Unemployed Hayden, who used to work for Asda and a clothes shop, aims to find a job once the baby is one year old.
He insisted: “I will go back to work at Asda or something.
“I will work anywhere.
“I’ll put the baby in childcare so I can provide for it.
“I want to save up lots of money so I can send the baby to private school, then they will have the best education.
“I don’t mind what the kid does when it is older.
“As long as they are happy and respectful, I don’t care what they do.
“I just want to make sure that they have the best in life and the best opportunities.
“I will be proud no matter what.”
However the dad-to-be did insist: “I won’t breastfeed . . . I hate my breasts.
“I want to have the child and get back to the full transitioning.”
He feared breastfeeding could be bad for the child as he would be taking testosterone again to continue his gender-change process. Hayden wants to be named as the father on the birth certificate. He says he is dedicated to bringing up the infant as a single dad and will not bring anyone else into the child’s life.
He added: “I will be all the parent that the baby needs on my own.
“I don’t want anything else to complicate and confuse that.
“I will stay single, especially when the child is young.
“It is a sacrifice I’ll make for the baby because I want it to have a secure life.
“Since I came out as trans I haven’t had any sexual partners anyway. I don’t want one.
“I don’t want it to get confusing.
“I want to have the transition first and then possibly settle down.
“I don’t want to get in a relationship that might not last with someone who likes me now and for the body I have now.
“Then when I have had the surgery they might decide that is not what they want.
“How would I know that a person could support me through all of that?
“Most people wouldn’t like that kind of thing, they would find it too much so I would rather do it on my own.”
Hayden, who is on benefits and is living in a council bedsit in Gloucester, is already looking to move home once the baby arrives. He explained: “I have applied for a new flat so hopefully once I have the baby I can move into somewhere bigger and the baby will have more room and a bedroom to itself.
“It will be the most important thing in my life and I will make sure that the baby always has everything it needs.”
Hayden will become one of about 400,000 single dads in Britain. After his child is born he will return to the clinic and continue his gender-transition process. The next stage will involve removing Hayden’s breasts before his ovaries are then taken out.
Reflecting on his own childhood, Hayden admitted: “It was bog standard really.” He lived with his parents, sister Sky, 21, and brothers Jordan, 19, Robert, 16 in a three-bedroom home in Gloucester.
Hayden, who now also has a two-year-old brother Denzel Douglas, said: “My mum and dad were together until I was around 14.
“They split up because my dad went back on drugs.
“I shared a bedroom with my sister as we were both girls.
“We would play with dolls and stuff.
“When I was young I didn’t really know I was trans, I didn’t really know much about it or think anything of the fact I felt different — but I did feel different.
“I went to an all-girls school, I hated it from the first day.
"I was kicked out when I was about 14 because I didn’t like it.
“I just didn’t feel like I fitted in.
“I didn’t like doing the things that the other girls liked doing.
“They were all really bitchy and that just isn’t me.
“They’d argue all the time and I was never about that kind of thing.
“I preferred playing football and doing sports.
“I’d always play with all the older guys.
“I’d play football with them.
“I didn’t really have any friends that were girls.
“Then I went to a referral unit, it was like a naughty school.
“I felt like I fitted in there because it was mainly boys so I made more friends.
“There was a built-in football pitch so we could play whenever we wanted.
“My parents called me a tomboy.
“I thought I was as well.
“It was only when I met my friend who is trans that I realised it was OK not to fit into the boxes that are given to you.
“I moved out of my mum’s house when about 15 — it was after my parents split up and her new boyfriend moved in.
“I cut my hair off as soon as I had a choice.
“I didn’t want it long.
“I stopped wearing dresses and girly things.”
As a girl . . . youngster admits he was 'confused' by school crushes
Talking about his first sexual experiences, Hayden said he felt “confused” about his feelings and had school crushes on both boys and girls.
He said: “I went out with a few people but I didn’t fancy either sex more than another.
“I still don’t put myself in a box on that. I am bisexual.
“I don’t fancy people because of their gender, I fancy people because of who they are.
“But I do prefer males than females — but that isn’t because of any reason.
“I feel like that is what I am quite comfortable with.
“My first sexual relationship was at 13 with a boy.
“We had sex but it was just like normal experimenting.
“I first properly went out with a guy when I was 16 for a year and a half.
“My first girlfriend was when I was 15, I was with her a few months, it wasn’t very serious.
“I had a serious girlfriend when I was 17.
“That lasted about a year and we lived together.
“But we split after things stopped working out.”
The world's first pregnant man was Thomas Beatie — dad of three kids.
Thomas, 42, was born a female but had hormone treatment while keeping his female reproductive organs.
He became pregnant for the first time in 2007 with triplets but lost them to ectopic pregnancy. Thomas, of Phoenix, Arizona, US, went on to have three kids using donor sperm.
Canadian Trevor MacDonald, 31, revealed last year how he breast-fed his first child in a men’s toilet in a restaurant. He said: “It was this weird scenario.”
Expecting his second child, he headed to a hospital at night to find a security guard demanding to know why a bearded man needed emergency access to an obstetrics unit. Britain’s unnamed first “male mother” gave birth to a girl in 2011. In the same year, Yuval Topper, 24, gave birth in Israel. Spanish transsexual Ruben Noe Coronado Jimenez was reportedly pregnant with twins in 2009 before having a miscarriage.
This Sory first appeared on The Sun